Aunt Kay's Little Purse Strap

Aunt Kay’s Little Purse Strap

I have to admit that I will probably never achieve the thing they call “wisdom” with regard to the DWC part of my life. I seem to just blunder into circumstances that get me in trouble. Sometimes it’s based on unconsciously pushing limits, and um, sometimes it’s caused by my consciously pushing them.

And then there are what I can only all incidents of gross misjudgment – miscalculation. And that’s what this installment is about. We were to dinner with several completely vanilla friends at an Italian restaurant. Everyone was having a great time. There was some wine. But no one, including me, was overindulging.

But, I guess it still had the effect of loosening my tongue because I blurted out a “joke” that in retrospect wasn’t all that funny. It came out sounding like I was making fun of my wife. I did not mean it in the way it came out. But it hung there in a stony silence for what felt like a half hour.  I know it was really only seconds. But there was an interruption in the level of buzzing conversation. And I definitely got a few odd looks. And then the camaraderie resumed and all seemed well.

Several minutes later, after the incident was hopefully forgotten by all, my wife asked to borrow the keys to another couple’s van. I didn’t hear why she said she wanted it. But it was no big thing to anyone. Then she said, for my ears only, “I have something to talk with you about.” I knew it was my “joke.”

In the parking lot, as we approached the van, she indicated the leather strap on her purse and said that was what I was going to get. She had that purse for a few years and in all that time I never equated it in any way with spanking implements. You know how some implements just seem to seize your attention and you can’t escape them? Like if THE hairbrush is left easily visible. Or for me, I just can’t take a shower without looking sideways at the stupid long-handled bath brush. Well her purse never, ever, had any of that.

In fact, when I looked at it I thought she must be kidding me and I said so. That was the part where I unconsciously antagonized her. I said something about that little piece of leather being kind of silly – something like that. And if you saw it, you would probably have agreed.

Once we were in the van, and I was positioned where she wanted me, I discovered that her “silly little purse strap” had a truly nasty sting to it. She originally got the purse at a western tack shop and I guess someone designed it for durability. It was a piece of latigo leather and it was super broken in from the years of use. Well, when we got home I took a look and damn if there weren’t some welts there.

The slip of bad judgment in making a dumb joke was one thing. But my “gross misjudgment – miscalculation” came in when I cavalierly made fun of her “little purse strap.

A Spanking from Aunt Kay

A Spanking from Aunt Kay

Since we moved into our new home, WAY out in the country, things have been super-mellow. We are surrounded by several acres of our own land so the privacy is marvelous. We do have a woodshed. It is a modern, Tuff Shed. If you are not familiar with them, they are soundly built, waterproof, and in our case it has a loft,  two windows, and two big barn-type doors as the entrance. It will eventually be equipped with a few of wife’s favorite implements and a straight back chair. But the truth is we don’t need to go out to a shed for punishments; we have the whole house to ourselves.

Anyway, you didn’t come here to find out about my new lodgings. You came to hear about Aunt Kay. Well, in a nutshell, I made a big mistake this weekend and it was over an issue that is a real Hot Button for my wife. Without going into the details, I’ll just say it has been one of the bigger sources of conflict between us over the years. She got so upset that she informed me that Aunt Kay was going to be involved this time. In fact she said that I would be seeing Aunt Kay later that afternoon.

Our DWC life has been ongoing and I have received some pretty memorable no-nonsense spankings. But it has been quite a while since Aunt Kay has made a formal appearance.  I was, to put it mildly, very nervous and NOT looking forward to what was coming. So while any impending discipline session makes me nervous. Anticipating this one was much more so.

When I was finally called into the bedroom Aunt Kay had obviously been invoked. I can’t really explain it. But when she shifts into that demeanor, the unfiltered no-nonsense Aunt Kay, everything feels different. I find it extremely intimidating.

My “everyday wife” is no wimp about tanning the daylights out of me when necessary; plenty of barely endurable spankings.  But Aunt Kay seems to leave any of my wife’s “generosity and compassion” outside the door.

I don’t know how long that session lasted. We were in there for more than an hour. There was a lot of lecturing that made me feel really small (deservedly so), between periods of spanking. I got it OTK, bent over the chair with a cane, lying on the bed with a strap and each of those positions was repeated  more than once.

When it was FINALLY over, I thanked her for the discipline and told her I hoped to not see her again. Of course she laughed at that. I always maintain my humor no matter how bad things get.

Just to be perfectly clear for anyone who might find this confusing. Yes, I am married to the real-life Aunt Kay.  I wonder how many of you followed the  breadcrumbs I left on my blog over the years and figured out that Aunt Kay is my wife.  I’m retired and we are not exactly youngsters any more. But we do still enjoy meeting new people and plan to have the occasional DWC couple over for a weekend visit.

For me this blog has been a special space where I could share things and make a few friends separately from my connection with Aunt Kay.  Everything I put in is real stuff. I just omitted enough details to maintain my anonymity. I hope you don’t mind.

Hmm. That sounded like a farewell. And maybe it is. I have not really thought of where it goes from here. But if this does become the end of the road for this blog; let me say it’s been a pleasure.

tomynash@gmamil.com

The Disciplinary Wives SMART system

The DWC SMART System

·      Strict

·      Maternal

·      Assertive

·      Reliable

·      Thorough

Strict – Firm, high standards for his behavior

Maternal - The DWC lifestyle is based on Love

Assertive - Confident, proactive, trust your intuition

Reliable - Consistent, dependable, unshakable

Thorough – Punishment complete and effective

Thanks for the Spanks, Mom.

I have been giving a lot of thought to a discussion on another Blog about “mothering” and “nurturing” and how that all fits (or doesn’t fit) into a DWC-style relationship. For some men the idea of being mothered in a disciplinary context was very appealing while for others it was, I daresay, an almost abhorrent idea.

I suspect that the emotional roots of the whole question of what I guess I’d call “disciplinary mothering” would be from the early years, probably around toddler days, when parents are all-powerful figures. In those times small humans experience their feelings with no filters. In a healthy family dynamic, nurturing is experienced as SO satisfying, and SO complete, that it probably can never be experienced to that degree  again in life.

However, nurturing includes teaching survival skills and in the most basic analysis, it’s reward and punishment. Parents have to somehow get “yes” and “no” understood and responded to as the most basic step in the survival training. So a toddler, who began life receiving deep, unqualified,  nurturing experiences from the mother, must adjust to that all-powerful figure intentionally inflicting punishment; which is how a stern “no!” can be experienced at that stage. This is the origin of the self-discipline people need to survive.

Beyond that point I really have to start guessing. But somehow the pleasure of the nurturing gets partially mixed in with the shock and pain of discipline. The sense of blissfully surrendering to the original maternal nurturing becomes connected to the discipline experience.  And later in life, for DWC-oriented men, a disciplinary session rekindles, or reminds, us of the deep levels of accompanying satisfaction. I have heard it expressed in so many ways. But often it is something like “it shows how much she cares.”

People think of this desire/need as either a blessing or a curse, and sometimes both. I know we all think it is a curse when it’s not her hair she’s using her hairbrush on. Ha. Me? It’s a blessing, a gift, for sure. I just can’t imagine anything else that could have brought this particular slice of intimacy into our lives. It forced us to move out of our comfort zones and to push communication to a much higher level.

So there you have my amateur speculation on why we are how we are, and why any maternal feelings that come up as part of our disciplinary experiences are perfectly fine.

It Takes a Village

It Takes a Village

A well known African proverb says “It takes a village to raise a child.”

While men with Disciplinary Wives are not children, the concept of a close-knit society keeping positive pressure on its members does apply.  I have read about societies that function that way and certainly some extended families do so as well. I think the primary reason that it works is that people cannot become “invisible” by going to a different neighborhood. So accountability for decent behavior is a normal way of life. While again, DWC men are not children, they are better off when there are a few “Aunties” in the picture. I have seen this concept at work in real -life extended DWC communities.

The extended community can add to the couple’s core DWC relationship in a few ways. For example, if couples get together, even occasionally, the whole concept of “Lifestyle” is significantly strengthened. It’s kind of like anything you do to reinforce your beliefs; such as attending any cultural or religious events. You may already know all of it. But being with others and discussing what you already know and believe makes it stronger.

And just like any close-knit community, members willingly pitch in to help one another. In the DWC world that help sometimes involves disciplinary matters.  For example, a wife might want to add embarrassment, or witnessing,  by having another wife join in on her husband’s discipline. Another example is when a wife is unable to administer a spanking – say for health reasons, or because she is out of town, and“Auntie” steps in. There have been several occasions when a hapless gentleman showed up at our house for just that reason.

So if that is a possibility for your relationship, it might be worth the effort to try to build such a community. It’s done one step at a time. Even connecting with just one other couple is a game-changer.  I am not implying it is easy. It takes commitment.

We once had that kind of community and it was wonderful. But things change; people get older and/or move to different locations. But  some of those friendships grew and have lasted through the years.

Due to physical problems at this time, if our community was still geographically viable, it would be my wife who needed to reach out. But that’s water under the bridge. Believe me, I am NOT complaining. It’s just all so interesting. I hope your take-away from this short read is to at least consider the opportunity to enrich your life by inviting in like-minded others.

This feels like this is a good place to share an interesting historical note about the Disciplinary Wives Club:

When Aunt Kay held her Couples Gatherings, the high point was always the Confessional sessions. The men would bring a written description of something they craved punishment for and release from. They were completely confidential. She studied them and then assigned each man to a different wife who would discuss the confession and administer the spanking. Believe me. The women took their responsibilities seriously.  The therapeutic result for the men who took the whole exercise to heart was beyond belief. A couple of guys reported getting rid of guilt from decades past.