A Fantastic DWC Event

For me, the most dramatic group experiences I can recall with the DWC were when Aunt Kay did one of her Confessional events.  I’m pretty sure it’s written up somewhere on the website. But I want to share it here with my readers. Aunt Kay designed the event and a sweet couple from back East took care of the logistics.

There were about 8 couples; half I think from the East Coast and the others traveled in from elsewhere. We were together for two days. So the Confessional was only one of the activities.

For it the men were assigned to write a confession about something that they genuinely felt deserved punishment but had never been addressed. Most of the men took it quite seriously. I think one thought it more of a party game kind of thing and didn’t. Aunt Kay studied each of the papers carefully.

These were all new people for us. So she needed to get to know the women pretty quickly. Fortunately, as I have said before, she was very smart and was able to do that.

Once the event actually began, she sent all the men out of the house and had a long meeting with the women. I know for us guys it was nerve-wracking as to what was going on. When we were finally invited back to the house Aunt Kay told each man which woman he was assigned to and gave him his confession to read privately to her. It was a big place and everyone got private space.

After 30 or 40 minutes people began to gather back in the living room and when everyone was there we went around the room and people shared what they chose to about their experience. For one guy it was a life-changing experience. He released something deep and felt like a new person. For most of us it was an important experience and definitely made a difference in how we felt about our personal issue. I know I did. One guy didn’t really take it seriously and didn’t get more than a spanking out of it.

The group was together for a second day and night and people informally talked more about their individual sessions and what the lectures and spankings were like. The camaraderie and openness was amazing.

It turned out that one guy’s confession was about an issue the woman he was assigned to had a lot of passion about. I’m pretty sure that if there was a “who gave the most severe discipline” contest that woman would have won. I recall the guy’s expression when he described the lecture he got along with the spanking.

By the way, she never intended to imply, or even mix up the term, “confessional” with any religion. It was just the perfect word to describe the event.

Lonley Hearts Ads

It’s been a bit over a year and it has settled in, emotionally, that she’s really and truly gone. A big part of me was too freaked out to find my way back to normal reality. But I hacked my way through the thorns.

Recently speaking with a DWC couple, and especially to a firm-handed DWC wife, has been yet another kind of therapy for me. It reminded me what it feels like to be with people who understand such a private and important part of who I am.   For the first time I wondered if it was even remotely possible that I would find a DWC companion/friend. I was amazed that the thought surfaced and I recalled that Aunt Kay wanted me to continue to be disciplined. She said it was the best thing for me.

I thought about how often Aunt Kay would hear from single guys so desperate to find someone.  It always frustrated us and made us sad that it was so hard for DWC guys to find the relationship they need.  The Internet is a wild and woolly place and I have seen hundreds of ads from needy guys.  And frankly I find the majority of them crude. But I don’t know if they find their counter-part or what.

Aunt Kay always wanted to help guys find a partner. I know she counseled and coached and encouraged quite a few with some success. She especially felt it was such a waste that those guys were single because the vast majority of the time they would be a great partner.

Now it’s me joining the mass of guys who need a firm hand and discipline. The ideas that came unbidden to me as ways to at least get a good spanking are too embarrassing to elaborate upon. But they did reveal moments of almost desperation

What might my ad look like? “Older man desires a fun, companionable relationship with a woman who understands that spanking their partner keeps them healthy, and wise. Living in the Sierra Foothills of California.”

How would you write one for me, or one for yourself, or one for your partner?

Sailing out to places and spaces unknown

COMMON DECENCY

There's something very prevalent on spanking sites that really irritates me. It is the co-opting of images of women that have nothing to do with spanking and publishing them with "cute" spanking phrases added to the images. I brought this up to a guy who runs a popular spanking site and his solution was for me not to look at them if I don't like it.

I wonder how it must feel to those women. How I would like it if I found images of women from my family turned into "pornography", which is how I believe non-spanking people would perceive it.

This is, I daresay, an "Inconvenient Truth". To acknowledge that it's plain wrong and immoral, and eliminate that stuff would decrease the content available to spanking sites. It would also involve more rigorous curating by site/blog owners.

But, there is a lot in the world that needs changing. And this subject to me is really about making a choice for decency.

Something Beautiful

My Christmas gift is for those of you who have truly appreciated Aunt Kay but never had the opportunity to meet her. I know it will also be enjoyed by those who knew her.

You can use your imagination to picture the out-of-this-world woman this gorgeous baby grew to become. A genuine treasure on earth for her entire journey.

Who Am I Now?

Who Am I Now?

I have been in a very introspective mood, wondering “who am I” now that I am no longer part of “who we were.”

 It’s a question that permeates every part of my life. We did EVERYTHING together. She was SO wise and always took care of me. Without her adult supervision to temper my, often less-than-well-thought-out, actions…… oh well. It is what it is and it ain’t what it ain’t.

Her powerful commitment to enriching other people’s lives had the side effect of bringing excitement into ours. The DWC was a huge part of our social life and we met people from all over the world. I connected with most of our visitors and some became lifelong friends. But the reality is, no one ever came specifically to meet me.  It was to meet Aunt Kay.  And that was perfect. I’ll be the first to admit I would have felt the exact same way if I were the visitor. And she was worth the time zones they traveled, and the angst they went through anticipating actually meeting her, as well as another real-life F/m couple.

I hope I have something to offer – one of her final instructions to me was to “use my talents to help others.” She meant that in the bigger picture sense, not limited to the DWC. Some men have reached out to me for help and I do my best to give them advice and coaching. I enjoy helping. It teases at answering, albeit in a small way, “Who am I?”

From my ongoing spiritual connection with her, as well as our final conversations, I know that she wanted me to continue to have disciplinary spankings. The plain truth is that the odds are against that, other than pay-for-play arrangements; which are a pale, and often depressing, substitution for discipline from real DWC wives.

My regular readers may remember that I purchased a spanking machine shortly after she left. It was functional in terms of delivering impressive cane strokes. But even though I tried using it to experience a hint of the DWC lifestyle, it was more disheartening than anything else and I gave it away.

I guess my original question should have been “Who am I in the DWC world? Who am I in the F/m world and what can I really offer there?” I’m pretty sure the answer is to adjust to changing realities and that everything has it’s time and season. After all, F/m is not the only part of my life that will never be the same. Even though I know the need will always be in me. The idea is to move on gracefully. And I WILL find other avenues in which to evolve as a person.

I hope that discussing this deeply personal, existential, struggle with you offers a perspective that you can use in your life. My intuition, says it does, even if I will never know exactly how or why.

A good friend sent me this quote “Death leaves a heart no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.” Take from that what you will. It reminds me of another of the specific instructions she gave me at the end. It was “Live every day to the fullest.” If you do, the memories you acquire will be good ones. And trust me, someday those memories will be more precious than gold.

Just for the record, these are the final instructions I have been referring to:

• ·         Live every day to the fullest
• ·         Have no regrets
• ·         Use your talents to help others
• ·         Say “yes” to the opportunities life offers you

Don't Miss Out

Okay. Right off the bat I’m informing you that this blog entry is a bit of a “lecture” - mixed in with my own experience of course. It has to do with getting smarter and gaining some useful life skills.

The disciplinary part of things was Aunt Kay’s insurance policy to make sure I didn’t go too far off the rails; not only vis a vis general behavior but also with regard to my health. But it took getting beyond my own male ego-brain to realize how smart and practical she was. She had answers and advice for just about everything that came up.

I felt comfortable bringing up absolutely anything I found curious going on with my body. She wanted to know everything. So I didn’t feel like some kind of nerdy hypochondriac when I brought up small stuff. She checked things out, and usually had a remedy on hand (her bathroom cabinets were like a mini drugstore). If not, off to the doctor we went.

Anyway, in my opinion women are generally smarter about a lot of things and health matters tend to be one of them. Now I’m not saying that every single woman fits that description. But I am comfortable with the generalization.  But my point is bigger than health advice. It’s about teamwork and partnership.

DWC wives don’t usually suffer from lack of respect. But not every DWC husband fully values his wife as his most trusted partner, first-source advisor, and confidant. I humbly suggest it is a most worthwhile objective. At least in my own experience, Aunt Kay was my very best friend and that’s coming from someone who has exceptionally deep friendships.

For those who are not inclined to sublimate their ego when appropriate, and take advantage of the full range of the team’s resources.… well I’ll just say you’re missing out.

Since this is such a short posting I am adding a tiny anecdote that my regular readers will enjoy.  I recently joined a therapy group to help me work through the loss of Aunt Kay. Of course no one in the group knows, or needs to, about the DWC part of our life. I don’t want to know what goes on in their bedrooms either.

Anyway, the group leader has a method of structuring the sessions to make sure everyone has adequate time to participate and is not interrupted while doing so. When it is your turn to share, you get a little sand timer. When the sand runs out, you wind down your story. It is actually very effective and the group seems comfortable with it.

Well, the timer she uses is the exact same model as the one Aunt Kay used for the occasional timed spankings. So along with all the good stuff that goes on in the group, I have an inner joke going as I recall what I used to feel when that timer made an appearance.  It’s so interesting how the Universe sometimes provides these subtle little “helpers” to enrich one’s life experiences.