Sunday, June 4, 2017

The Disciplinary Wives SMART system

The DWC SMART System
·      Strict
·      Maternal
·      Assertive
·      Reliable
·      Thorough

Strict – Firm, high standards for his behavior
Maternal - The DWC lifestyle is based on Love
Assertive - Confident, proactive, trust your intuition
Reliable - Consistent, dependable, unshakable
Thorough – Punishment complete and effective

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Thanks for the Spanks, Mom.

I have been giving a lot of thought to a discussion on another Blog about “mothering” and “nurturing” and how that all fits (or doesn’t fit) into a DWC-style relationship. For some men the idea of being mothered in a disciplinary context was very appealing while for others it was, I daresay, an almost abhorrent idea.

I suspect that the emotional roots of the whole question of what I guess I’d call “disciplinary mothering” would be from the early years, probably around toddler days, when parents are all-powerful figures. In those times small humans experience their feelings with no filters. In a healthy family dynamic, nurturing is experienced as SO satisfying, and SO complete, that it probably can never be experienced to that degree  again in life.

However, nurturing includes teaching survival skills and in the most basic analysis, it’s reward and punishment. Parents have to somehow get “yes” and “no” understood and responded to as the most basic step in the survival training. So a toddler, who began life receiving deep, unqualified,  nurturing experiences from the mother, must adjust to that all-powerful figure intentionally inflicting punishment; which is how a stern “no!” can be experienced at that stage. This is the origin of the self-discipline people need to survive.

Beyond that point I really have to start guessing. But somehow the pleasure of the nurturing gets partially mixed in with the shock and pain of discipline. The sense of blissfully surrendering to the original maternal nurturing becomes connected to the discipline experience.  And later in life, for DWC-oriented men, a disciplinary session rekindles, or reminds, us of the deep levels of accompanying satisfaction. I have heard it expressed in so many ways. But often it is something like “it shows how much she cares.”

People think of this desire/need as either a blessing or a curse, and sometimes both. I know we all think it is a curse when it’s not her hair she’s using her hairbrush on. Ha. Me? It’s a blessing, a gift, for sure. I just can’t imagine anything else that could have brought this particular slice of intimacy into our lives. It forced us to move out of our comfort zones and to push communication to a much higher level.

So there you have my amateur speculation on why we are how we are, and why any maternal feelings that come up as part of our disciplinary experiences are perfectly fine.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

It Takes a Village

It Takes a Village

A well known African proverb says “It takes a village to raise a child.”
While men with Disciplinary Wives are not children, the concept of a close-knit society keeping positive pressure on its members does apply.  I have read about societies that function that way and certainly some extended families do so as well. I think the primary reason that it works is that people cannot become “invisible” by going to a different neighborhood. So accountability for decent behavior is a normal way of life. While again, DWC men are not children, they are better off when there are a few “Aunties” in the picture. I have seen this concept at work in real -life extended DWC communities.

The extended community can add to the couple’s core DWC relationship in a few ways. For example, if couples get together, even occasionally, the whole concept of “Lifestyle” is significantly strengthened. It’s kind of like anything you do to reinforce your beliefs; such as attending any cultural or religious events. You may already know all of it. But being with others and discussing what you already know and believe makes it stronger.

And just like any close-knit community, members willingly pitch in to help one another. In the DWC world that help sometimes involves disciplinary matters.  For example, a wife might want to add embarrassment, or witnessing,  by having another wife join in on her husband’s discipline. Another example is when a wife is unable to administer a spanking – say for health reasons, or because she is out of town, and“Auntie” steps in. There have been several occasions when a hapless gentleman showed up at our house for just that reason.

So if that is a possibility for your relationship, it might be worth the effort to try to build such a community. It’s done one step at a time. Even connecting with just one other couple is a game-changer.  I am not implying it is easy. It takes commitment.

We once had that kind of community and it was wonderful. But things change; people get older and/or move to different locations. But  some of those friendships grew and have lasted through the years.

Due to physical problems at this time, if our community was still geographically viable, it would be my wife who needed to reach out. But that’s water under the bridge. Believe me, I am NOT complaining. It’s just all so interesting. I hope your take-away from this short read is to at least consider the opportunity to enrich your life by inviting in like-minded others.

This feels like this is a good place to share an interesting historical note about the Disciplinary Wives Club:

When Aunt Kay held her Couples Gatherings, the high point was always the Confessional sessions. The men would bring a written description of something they craved punishment for and release from. They were completely confidential. She studied them and then assigned each man to a different wife who would discuss the confession and administer the spanking. Believe me. The women took their responsibilities seriously.  The therapeutic result for the men who took the whole exercise to heart was beyond belief. A couple of guys reported getting rid of guilt from decades past.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Complaining About Christmas

A couple of times each year we play Monopoly. It’s something we started when we first got together; pretty much the same time as the DWC thing.

I discovered quickly that a disciplinary session when she was mad was more than I had imagined in my original fantasy about having a disciplinary wife. To this day, if I see that fire in her eyes (which thank God is pretty rare), I sort of freak out – cause I know what’s coming. It’s going to be way more than I can tolerate. But I guess I live through it because here I am talking about it.

Anyway, getting back to Monopoly. You know that “Get out of Jail Free” card? Well I dearly wanted a “Get out of Spanking Free” card that I could save for an emergency occasion. Every year since then I have asked for one of those for Christmas. I would say “you really do not have to spend any money. I would like that more than anything.” And every year she tells me that it is not going to happen.

For some reason I thought this year I would get the card. Now I can’t recall what gave me that idea. So that’s why I am Bah Humbugging about my Christmas gifts.

Shhhhh. Don’t tell her or I’ll probably get an extra session.

But Christmas was wonderful here. Warm and loving and filled with happiness for being together.

Friday, December 16, 2016

DWC Boot-Camp

It was nearly a year ago that I ran across a conversation online about a couple who had embarked on a Disciplinary Boot-Camp.  At first I skipped past it for a couple of reasons. One was that it didn’t sound like anything that could apply to our life. The second was that I sort of thought the guy was making it up anyway. The discussion lasted a few weeks and then went away. But a seed had been planted in my mind and I kept thinking about it. Even though we have been in a DWC marriage for a long time I actually opened my mind to the possibility that some kind of formal “refresher” of our commitment might be valuable

Once I got truly objective there was no turning back. I saw that I was not, in fact, bringing my “A” game to the DWC part of our relationship. And since the DWC is intricately woven into our life together that meant I could not be bringing my real “A” game to the overall relationship either. Oh I knew I was a good husband, undoubtedly better than most. But was I the best I could be?  No.

I finally worked up the nerve to talk it over with my wife. I told her I had some important things to talk about and set up a formal meeting. She thought I had some kind of bad news and was worried about it. Once she heard what the topic was she relaxed, got right into the spirit of it. The DWC was definitely still part of our lives  and when absolutely needed the discipline came. But neither of us had our “A” game going.

That afternoon I felt the same kind excitement and nervousness as the first time I told her about my disciplinary needs; before we were married. It was a lot like renewing marriage vows.

Let me be clear about one thing. The focus was NOT at all on her being a “better DWC wife”.  I had no agenda about what she should do. My agenda was about what I needed to do. I felt that I had become somewhat passive and complacent about the quality of life I offered to her.

I needed retraining for several reasons. A big one was that people change.  And I needed to get an update about what delights her at this point in our lives together.  I also confessed about how I was not bringing my “A” game to other parts of my life either and I humbly asked her to tighten up the reins so I could improve.

The first thing I had to do was make a major internal adjustment. I told myself “no more arguing or resisting when she wants to discipline me”.  I put myself completely in her hands and let go, more than ever before. I knew that if she did not feel 100% empowered, we would be starting off on a slide backwards from Day 1. It would frustrate both of us and I would not be on track toward a life of continual improvement.  I want to live my life playing my “A” game.  I know myself and I need her in charge to help me be that guy.

My performance in life has improved dramatically and I guess you might call it a benefit that there are a lot more spankings going on these days.  She seems to be having a great time. She has a vast collection of implements. So I never know what’s coming.  But I do know that I am going to hate every minute of it.

I hope you can find some inspiration and apply some of this to your life. If you don’t have a disciplinary partner; you can still find some way to ramp up your “A” game.