Once you are out of school and in the “grown up” world it seems that making real friends is quite difficult for everyone; couples and single alike. Over the years most of our new friends have come from social activities connected with the F/m-DWC lifestyle. We have had many discussions about why that would be.
1. One obvious factor is that you have a shared secret, something still considered on the taboo side. Unlike many other uniquely-inclined groups of people, those who enjoy consensual discipline, spanking, etc , are still generally secretive about it. I know we are. This inner-circle, secret thing means you already have something powerful in common with the other people. When you first meet there is still a brief moment of what I will call, for lack of a more perfect word, embarrassment, followed by the pleasure of mutual understanding.
2. Since people are “risking” by revealing their secrets, they are also trusting. I must say, that in reality there is practically no risk. But it feels like there is and that’s what matters. Trust builds connection more than pretty much anything else.
3. Since finding like-minded people, especially couples, is a fairly rare occurrence, I believe that people put greater effort into connecting with the other parties. In those types of meetings there is a much greater tendency to accept differences and look harder for commonalities. This is a good thing.
4. The next big step forward would be to meet again privately; usually at someone’s home. Unless you met at a dedicated social gathering, such as a spanking party, or say a Shadow Lane event, you probably met initially at a public place like a restaurant.
5. What I have come to call “social spanking” solidifies the relationship. When you first met everyone was probably pretty open. I’m not implying everyone suddenly becomes an open book. But the lifestyle stuff has been talked about directly. So, there is an expectation that when you are in private together there will be some actual spanking. And almost always there is.
I call it social spanking because it is not truly disciplinary in nature. Oh there may be some good, hard, old fashioned spanking as the women (in our case) kind of show their stuff. Once this has occurred, people seem to get very comfortable with one another and the possibilities for good friendship and sharing a lot of other interests emerges.
6. From that point on, if you are lucky, you have friends to do things with – movies, hiking, whatever, and it can be wonderful. Some relationships literally become life time friends. Most have a period of lots of fun and then gradually drift off.
My personal advice is to reach out, go past your comfort zone and make new friends. Don’t become disillusioned if some don’t last. Even if you only make one or two friends it a huge difference from being alone in this.