When one is in a committed Disciplinary relationship there are usually defined roles where one party is the Disciplinarian. That’s why in my case the label F/m has her as the big, capital, letter.
Of course I am aware that there are exceptions to that. Some people have flexible arrangement where, for example, they have a contract, like the old Spencer plan where either party will administer discipline to the other for pre-defined infractions. I met a couple where they changed over weekly who would be the disciplinarian for that week. Another couple were both basically “subs” and relied on friends and parties, etc. to meet their needs (lovely people by the way).
An adult spanking relationship is a mutual commitment, voluntarily entered into by both parties, and how ever you are doing it, there are the agreed roles. These roles are how the relationship functions; pretty much like how every other kind of relationship works too. For me, and for most of the F/m men I have communicated with over the years, the lifestyle is that all disciplinary decisions are made by the woman - she’s in charge of it.
It is usually the man who has instigated the relationship. And, the lifestyle is built roughly on the sustained scenario that punishment is the result of being caught at bad behavior, which should be avoided. There is aura of a parental/familial authority figure (Aunties have become highly popular).
However, I will venture to say that every guy, at some point, craves spanking. And therein is the dilemma. Does the man just casually, over coffee say, “by the way, are you free to give me a spanking today? Oh good. What time is convenient for you?” Maybe it is that simple for some. But for most of us that kind of thing destroys the whole ambiance of the experience. Spanking is not just a paddle on the butt. If it was, we could just use a machine. It is the whole event – anticipation, surrendering to the control, lecture, the God-awful pain of it, relief and forgiveness, and reminiscing about the good ones for ever after.
There have been a couple of extremely rare occasions where I actually asked; we are talking like 2 or 3 over more than 20 years. And those were driven by me feeling so badly about something that I did that I could hardly live with it. Aside from those times, asking is such a buzz kill that it’s pointless.
Again, that’s me. At a party I once watched with astonishment as a guy who had just been publicly paddled, REALLY hard by one of the Pros there, ask, no let me call it what it was, plead for more. I suspect that someone asking for “more” after her impressive demonstration was not what she wanted to hear. And she did not indulge him.
I am probably that guy’s opposite in terms of tolerance/need. Other than her needing to contain my desperate efforts to escape during spanking, I am really easy for my wife to discipline. She likes that. She gets results; I do modify the undesirable behaviors. She keeps it simple. If I repeat a same problem - time and intensity double. Do the math, you don’t want to make the same mistake a third time!
Getting back to the point about asking for it. I do not consider it bad, or wrong. It’s probably great if it works for you. Hmmmm, maybe I’ll try it out as a New Year’s resolution; – clear communication and all that.
I have one final comment. Doing things to purposely to anger your disciplinarian in order to initiate a spanking needs to be thought through very thoroughly. If it is part of the “game” you both play and being bratty is a welcome part of it for her, cool and sweet.
However, we do not want our loved ones to actually be unhappy or be pushed into feeling undesired anger or frustration just so we can instigate a spanking session. If that is your main strategy, you might want to move out of your communication comfort zone and talk openly with her about it. Just something to think about.
Happy New Year