Monday, September 11, 2017

Aunt Kay's Little Purse Strap

Aunt Kay’s Little Purse Strap

I have to admit that I will probably never achieve the thing they call “wisdom” with regard to the DWC part of my life. I seem to just blunder into circumstances that get me in trouble. Sometimes it’s based on unconsciously pushing limits, and um, sometimes it’s caused by my consciously pushing them.

And then there are what I can only all incidents of gross misjudgment – miscalculation. And that’s what this installment is about. We were to dinner with several completely vanilla friends at an Italian restaurant. Everyone was having a great time. There was some wine. But no one, including me, was overindulging.

But, I guess it still had the effect of loosening my tongue because I blurted out a “joke” that in retrospect wasn’t all that funny. It came out sounding like I was making fun of my wife. I did not mean it in the way it came out. But it hung there in a stony silence for what felt like a half hour.  I know it was really only seconds. But there was an interruption in the level of buzzing conversation. And I definitely got a few odd looks. And then the camaraderie resumed and all seemed well.

Several minutes later, after the incident was hopefully forgotten by all, my wife asked to borrow the keys to another couple’s van. I didn’t hear why she said she wanted it. But it was no big thing to anyone. Then she said, for my ears only, “I have something to talk with you about.” I knew it was my “joke.”

In the parking lot, as we approached the van, she indicated the leather strap on her purse and said that was what I was going to get. She had that purse for a few years and in all that time I never equated it in any way with spanking implements. You know how some implements just seem to seize your attention and you can’t escape them? Like if THE hairbrush is left easily visible. Or for me, I just can’t take a shower without looking sideways at the stupid long-handled bath brush. Well her purse never, ever, had any of that.

In fact, when I looked at it I thought she must be kidding me and I said so. That was the part where I unconsciously antagonized her. I said something about that little piece of leather being kind of silly – something like that. And if you saw it, you would probably have agreed.

Once we were in the van, and I was positioned where she wanted me, I discovered that her “silly little purse strap” had a truly nasty sting to it. She originally got the purse at a western tack shop and I guess someone designed it for durability. It was a piece of latigo leather and it was super broken in from the years of use. Well, when we got home I took a look and damn if there weren’t some welts there.

The slip of bad judgment in making a dumb joke was one thing. But my “gross misjudgment – miscalculation” came in when I cavalierly made fun of her “little purse strap.