The likelihood of ever again being in a relationship anything like what I had with Aunt Kay is pretty low. As best as I can tell the DWC/DD part of my life is over. The need probably will never go away completely. The issue is how I manage my emotional state with regard to that.
I hope that others who may be frustrated by the same lack can benefit from my sharing my internal processes about how I deal with the situation. And I am not in any way, even slightly, trying to say this is how to think or what to do. If there is any message it’s probably along the lines to just do some thinking and soul searching about whether or not one is actively managing this aspect of their life.
For one thing, I think about any judgments I might have when I see people with out-of-control behaviors in their lives. Whether it is substance addiction, habit addiction, or anything they don’t seem to be in control of. I might say to myself “why don’t they just use more will power and eat less, or drink less, or not do whatever it is?” I might involuntarily think less of them in some way.
Then I look in the mental mirror and see my own compulsion for discipline and guess what. It looks just like the things I may judge others for; an urge that must be managed
I’m not making myself wrong for desiring it. I’m just trying to be a realist and asking “how much time, and psychic energy can I spend on a basically dead-end pursuit?” It’s a practical matter.
So for now anyway I will be trying to replace both computer time and mental activity associated with disciplinary material with other things. To fritter away time that I can use more productively seems very wrong.
I haven’t developed any master techniques as of yet to share. What I do is suck it up as best I can and quickly engage in an alternative activity. Even if I don’t feel as motivated as I would be for indulging in spanking material, I force myself to invest in it. So far I find that once I push into something else, I’m fine.